wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
