no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
