He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
