So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
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I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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