Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
