did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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