i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
