Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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