i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
