Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
