just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
