So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
