I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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