I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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