ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
