Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
