He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
