If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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