do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
