well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
