Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
