I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
