the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
