If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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