i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
