I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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