We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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