so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So vagazzling was a success
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
