carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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