That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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