forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
