i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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