My room smells like vodka and shame
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
