I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
