Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
