Im at strip club and am horny
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
