well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
