So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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