True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
