I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
