He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
