The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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