i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
