She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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