Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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