I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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