Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
