you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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