my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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