Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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