Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
