I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
