You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
