We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
