1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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