how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
