Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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