I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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