so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
