I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
