Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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