hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
