God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
