Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
