I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize